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Grief Specialty Menu

Grieving Prior to the Death of a Loved One

Caregiver/family member’s anticipatory grief. Coping with grief is not limited to the time period after the death of your loved one.

It is a myth to belief that:

  • grief occurs only after a death
  • time spent with a dying loved one eliminates after-death grief
  • pre-death grieving means you have given up on hope that your loved one will survive.

(Feeling there is no hope and then regaining hope is part of anticipatory grief. Working with the uncertainty helps you deal with the eventuality of the death – even if the death does not take place for years.)

Facing and grieving the loss of one's own life.
You have always known you were going to die but because you didn’t know the exact time you could ignore the eventuality.  Then what once happened only to others becomes personal, and you are forced to develop a new relationship with yourself.

After the shock subsides you start to grieve the loss of your own life. Simultaneously you consider how you are going to approach loved ones and friends. If you are like most people you don’t know how to begin - but begin you must if you want to make peace with others and yourself.  Refusing to discuss your life and death with others causes relationships to falter and everyone’s spontaneity to fade.

Strong Back/Soft Front: Joan Halifax (Being with Dying, 2008) refers to having a strong back and a soft front when confronted with death. With a strong back you move into your discomfort, and with a soft front you listen to and speak from your heart. When this happens spontaneity, sincerity, and physical affection return and can be maintained.

Bringing the family together. Each relationship within a family is unique. With thoughtful guidance all involved can gain a sense of purpose. The dying member can learn to openly and comfortably communicate his/her end-of-life goals, and family members/close friends can determine their needs while simultaneously loving and supporting each other.