Divorce

Deciding to Divorce

When a couple decides to divorce they commit to an emotional as well as legal divorce. It is common for individuals to bury their vulnerable feelings and lead with anger. Unfortunately anger doesn’t resolve differences or create balanced decisions.

It may seem irrational to think you can make wise legal decisions while experiencing emotional chaos, but that is what you must do. With the right help you can unfold your arms and learn the tools that will help you accept the emotional challenges – so that you can focus on future goals. Bottom Line: How you move through the divorce process will ultimately affect your ability to build a new life for you and your family, so make sure you have good support.

Divorce Recovery

Divorce is one of the most painful events you can experience. Whether you initiated the divorce or were given no choice, you are likely overwhelmed with sadness, anger, anxiety, and guilt. Grief is also a big part of divorce. You are not only grieving the loss of a relationship but also the loss of future dreams. It is crucial that you allow your feelings rather than pushing them aside.

The question is not whether you will survive. You will. The more important questions relate to how you go about taking back your personal power.

Are you willing to work through your feelings in order to heal vs. become bitter?
Are you willing to move from simply coping to actively taking control of your life?
Do you value forgiving yourself as well as your partner?
Do you value examining how you choose a partner?

How long does it take to regain your emotional balance? It usually depends upon how long the two of you were together as well as variables such as:

Have you been independent in the past?
Was the relationship once healthy and rewarding?
Was the divorce unexpected?
Did your partner immediately move into a new relationship?
Have you fallen back into seeing each other after the divorce?
Did the relationship produce children?

Book Testimonials

I had the pleasure of working with Vicki and the Gaining Traction material during my second year of grieving the loss of my husband. Her class was such a radical change from my first year support group that my initial reaction was resistance. The work, however, shifted my attention and I soon understood that I had to make some changes—and that I could actually choose what I would change. The experience was the best thing that could have happened to me, and I ended up with a better life than I had before my loss.
~ Fran D.

I love this book. Vicki provides a wealth of wisdom and a roadmap for how to accept and move forward after deep loss. Read and reread this at your own pace – but read it. It is a must-have book for getting back to living fully.
~ Paul S.

It has been three years since my husband passed away. I have come a long way, but I still had issues that need to be dealt with. In reading Gaining Traction and doing the exercises, I found the incentive to start the process.
~ Becky B.

After my spouse died I attended grief counseling for two years, but after reading Gaining Traction I realize that counseling just skimmed the surface. I wish I had had this wonderful fully-packed reference 10 years ago. Better late than never!
~ Michelle B.

Finally a well-written book that picks up where grief support and counseling stops. Gaining Traction is a book that should be read by all who are starting over after the loss of a spouse.
~ Ken M.

I worked with the Vicki a few years ago and have just finished reading her book, Gaining Traction. This is a great book. It offers practical advice, but also discusses spiritual and philosophical issues as well.
~ Steve K.

I wasn’t sure I needed any help with my grief because I had many good friends who would listen. But after just a few classes with Vicki Panagotacos, I realized I had something to learn. Vicki’s skills, so aptly reproduced in this book, helped me. The material in Gaining Traction provided the vital information I needed to get to where I am today.
~ Art B.

Working with Vicki and the Gaining Traction material was a meaningful experience. She opened my eyes and helped me deal with my anger. This book will help move a grieving spouse to a more positive place.
~ Ann L.

There was nothing to prepare me for the profound grief and sadness that came with the loss of my husband. Working with Vicki and the material in Gaining Traction helped me regain my self-confidence and move on to enjoy my life again. Looking back on my progress, I don’t believe I could have done as well without the exercises and techniques.
~ Irene B.