Terminal Illness

Facing and grieving the loss of one’s own life.

Yes, you have always known you were going to die but because you didn’t know the exact time you could ignore the eventuality. Then what once only happened to others becomes personal, and you are forced to develop a new relationship with yourself.

After the shock subsides you start to grieve the loss of your own life. Simultaneously you consider how you are going to approach loved ones and friends. If you are like most people you don’t know how to begin – but begin you must if you want to make peace with others and yourself. If you refuse to discuss your life and death with those close to you, everyone’s spontaneity fades and relationships falter.

Joan Halifax (Being with Dying, 2008) refers to having a strong back and a soft front when confronted with death. With a strong back you move into your discomfort, and with a soft front you listen to and speak from your heart. When this happens spontaneity, sincerity, and physical affection return and can be maintained.

Would you rather walk and talk with me? Nature is a very healing environment in which to open up and think clearly. Does it appeal to you to share your concerns while walking with me, side by side and looking ahead? We can walk in a community park or take your favorite walking path. If you don’t care to walk, you might want to choose a favorite place to sit and talk, maybe in your backyard. If this sounds like something you might enjoy, let’s do it.

Taking Care of the Entire Family

Each relationship within a family is unique. With thoughtful guidance all involved can gain a sense of purpose. The dying member can learn to comfortably communicate his/her end of life goals, and each family member/close friend can speak to their own needs while simultaneously loving and supporting each other.

One-on-one counseling is usually available at the treating medical center, but there is seldom any counseling offered to the family unit as a whole. It would be a privilege to work with you and your family during the critical window that exists after a terminal diagnosis and prior to the onset of debilitating illness. Together we can hold the space necessary to resolve fears, doubts, resentments and prior disputes so that a rich dialogue can emerge.

Book Testimonials

I had the pleasure of working with Vicki and the Gaining Traction material during my second year of grieving the loss of my husband. Her class was such a radical change from my first year support group that my initial reaction was resistance. The work, however, shifted my attention and I soon understood that I had to make some changes—and that I could actually choose what I would change. The experience was the best thing that could have happened to me, and I ended up with a better life than I had before my loss.
~ Fran D.

I love this book. Vicki provides a wealth of wisdom and a roadmap for how to accept and move forward after deep loss. Read and reread this at your own pace – but read it. It is a must-have book for getting back to living fully.
~ Paul S.

It has been three years since my husband passed away. I have come a long way, but I still had issues that need to be dealt with. In reading Gaining Traction and doing the exercises, I found the incentive to start the process.
~ Becky B.

After my spouse died I attended grief counseling for two years, but after reading Gaining Traction I realize that counseling just skimmed the surface. I wish I had had this wonderful fully-packed reference 10 years ago. Better late than never!
~ Michelle B.

Finally a well-written book that picks up where grief support and counseling stops. Gaining Traction is a book that should be read by all who are starting over after the loss of a spouse.
~ Ken M.

I worked with the Vicki a few years ago and have just finished reading her book, Gaining Traction. This is a great book. It offers practical advice, but also discusses spiritual and philosophical issues as well.
~ Steve K.

I wasn’t sure I needed any help with my grief because I had many good friends who would listen. But after just a few classes with Vicki Panagotacos, I realized I had something to learn. Vicki’s skills, so aptly reproduced in this book, helped me. The material in Gaining Traction provided the vital information I needed to get to where I am today.
~ Art B.

Working with Vicki and the Gaining Traction material was a meaningful experience. She opened my eyes and helped me deal with my anger. This book will help move a grieving spouse to a more positive place.
~ Ann L.

There was nothing to prepare me for the profound grief and sadness that came with the loss of my husband. Working with Vicki and the material in Gaining Traction helped me regain my self-confidence and move on to enjoy my life again. Looking back on my progress, I don’t believe I could have done as well without the exercises and techniques.
~ Irene B.