Currently Experiencing Loss

Grieving the Loss of a Loved One

Grief is a process that cannot be conquered intellectually. The initial stages can take your breath away, double you over in physical pain, and leave you feeling there is little hope of ever recovering. You feel disoriented, anxious, angry, and often guilty. This range of feelings is to be expected as you are suddenly without the person who helped define who you are, be it a spouse, partner, child or parent.

In addition, you are not likely to understand how the people around you can move so effortlessly when you are so paralyzed. Don’t they know? No, unfortunately, most people don’t. And if they did they most likely would feel inadequate to help.

As with all life crises, there comes a time when you have to get past asking “Why did it happen?” and move to “What do I do now that it has happened?” Family and friends can be wonderful, but they ultimately return to their own lives… just at the point where you are coming out of shock and into the void of tragic reality.

Isolating yourself may feel wise but, to the contrary, making contact with others actually helps to start the grieving process.

While this is not the time for therapy, it is a very good time to find a grief counselor for one-on-one support for the first 6-8 weeks, and then graduate to a weekly grief support group. Listening and sharing with others who are also shattered and scattered can bring comfort and a much needed break from dealing with the waves of grief alone. With time and support the rawness starts to soften and the highs and lows are less extreme; and what you thought would never happen most often does. You come to realize that you can transition to a new normal…a normal that includes the relationship you treasured as well as new friends and interests.

For those with delayed/unresolved grief...
If you have turned your back on your grief or attempted to rush past it, you are likely to feel angry and resentful. The source of your feelings may not be apparent, but you know that something is very wrong. At this point it is best to work one-on-one with a counselor trained to deal with unresolved grief.